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“Marriages are made in Heaven” We all have heard these lines at some or the other point of our life.
I had also heard this. But, with the flow of time and experiences this perspective is getting changed. Every marriage does not culminate in being an ever-lasting, heavenly, beautiful affair. Sometimes the strands of the marital relationship just break off for reasons known and at times, unknown.
The family is an intimate domestic group of people related to one another by bonds of blood, sexual mating, or legal ties. It has been a very resilient social unit that has survived and adapted through time. The list is endless and the pain associated with it too.
One of the most overlooked reasons why marriages fail is how people define compromise. While compromise is considered to be the cornerstone of any relationship, most people assume that means that some of the time, each partner gets what they want. Actually, the true definition of compromise in the context of marriage is that neither party gets what they really want. Marriage is tough. You have to be constantly ready to give something up, even after it seems like you’ve already given up everything. Without accepting this definition of compromise, people move towards a break-up.
Extra-marital affairs are also responsible for the breakdown of most marriages that end in divorce. This is one of the most common causes of divorce. The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as our anger may lead us to believe. Infidelity often begins as a seemingly innocent friendship, says Ruth Houston. “It starts as an emotional affair which later becomes a physical affair”. Infidelity is the number one reason for divorce.
Marrying for the wrong reasons, like for the money or settling to not be alone, leads to an unstable foundation. At some point, the couple will realize they aren’t compatible or one might start to love themselves more and want to be with someone who fulfills their needs as they start to value themselves.
A main issue in marriages is incompatibility in conflict resolution. While some people grow up in families where shouting is the way to solve a conflict, others grow up in households where they ignore the matter. If a couple comes from two different sides of this, it’ll be difficult to resolve conflicts agreeably and create difficulties in communication.
Another reason is that couples often do not talk about money, and many people bring undisclosed debt with them into a marriage and hide their spending afterwards. Financial pressures and very different or even opposing financial styles — spending versus saving, risk versus reward — can sabotage a marriage even more effectively than sexual issues or even fundamental differences such as whether to have children or not.
Couples often invest all of their time into their careers while neglecting their relationship with their partner. When this happens, resentment begins to build within one or both partners. Most couples don’t have the tools needed to work through these resentments, which often lead to feeling disconnected and detached. This disconnection due to not keeping the relationship a priority quickly leads to marriage failure.
For many, an addiction is something that cannot be forgiven, particularly if in the beginning of the relationship the addiction was not known or did not exist. Some addiction deal breakers were drug and alcohol problems, gambling or pornography. In addition to the first two concerns, addictions create trust issues. Many people felt they would not be able to count on their significant other to be consistent in his/her behavior and to put the relationship before anything else.
Eventually, this would wear strongly on the foundation of one’s marriage.
The other reason that is responsible for the breakdown of a home is when people enter into a marriage, they have the expectation that their loved one is the person they know best, someone who will always have their back. When things happen to shake that belief, it rocks the foundation of the relationship. Being able to trust, count on and predict one’s spouse is paramount to a healthy, happy relationship.
Many people stated that if their spouse hit them, or physically or sexually abused their children, the relationship would be over. While there are many people who opt to stay in physically abusive relationships and some spouses who look the other way if their children are abused by their spouse, many people would not allow themselves or their children to be abused in that way especially by someone who promised to love them. This, again, can be reason for a breakdown of a home.
The fact that women spend most of their time either at work or doing household chores can lead to emotional stress in the family. The twentieth century family is mostly nucleus and thus children at times feel isolated and lacking the support of their extended kinds: grandparents, aunts, cousins etc. They become introvert and their stress level rise to such an extent that when ‘explosion’ occurs, it can have dramatic results. This may lead to violence, psychological damage, mental illness, drug intake, crime etc.
The breakdown of children may lead to quarrel between parents. In the long run, marriages may fail and consequently lead to breakdown of a home. Incidence that may appear trivial can blow out of proportions and cause drastic consequence within the family.
Yet another reason that we get to see is Family dynamics that play a role in fueling family alienation.
When one sibling is the clear parental favorite, it can cause resentment that festers over years. When one sibling crosses the line and the other sibling can’t tolerate the offense, the relationship sunders. And that line can be crossed in a variety of ways, ranging from “especially cruel remarks, being nasty to a sibling’s spouse or children, going off psychiatric medication or bringing unsavory people into a sibling’s home.
Thus, establishing consistent consequences for bad behavior or negativity and detachment among family members at home does not indicate a lack of love or care, even though that is often the accusation from the person receiving the consequence but setting clear parameters and making the two people in conflict to sit and solve their matter helps to restore the broken family. Giving priority to a single thought to relationship and the person is important would work. So, do not let your closed ones go away instead win them and be with them.